last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
