Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
