Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
