HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
