I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
