Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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