I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made him laugh his dick is mine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize