Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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