At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
