I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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