I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
