she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
