So drunk its hurt
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
