I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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