I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
