Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
