That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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