im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
