Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
