hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
