Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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