We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
