Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
