it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
