Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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