Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
