I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
