why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
