New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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