Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
