Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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