She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just had sex bonerless
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
