I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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