Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize