he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
