Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
