I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
