Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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