I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
