so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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