:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
