ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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