I just pynch a tree in the face
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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