why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The Olympian is in my bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
