He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
