Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
