The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
