Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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