So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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