She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
