He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
