im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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