I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
