I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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