I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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