Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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