My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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