did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
