I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
