She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
