im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
