Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
