did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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