so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
