i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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