very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
