did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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