I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
