that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
