I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
