I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
