My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
