Jerry, you need to find god
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
