I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
