We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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