His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize